Anger Management

I know you don’t want to read this, but I’ll tell you anyway. I’m in that kind of mood.

I’m going to explain how I came to taste my first – and possibly last — “Angry Burger” at Burger King.

It’s because I was, well, angry.

Let me back up. Monday started out a good day. I had a column idea all set up. I was on the road by 9:30 a.m., headed to Liberty, Utah, to get the scoop. On the way, I stopped by the office to get my mail. An hour later I was on the road. At a stop light, I opened one letter that said my columns stink. Said my stuff looks like it’s straight out of high school newspaper.

That was fine, I get those kinds of letters fairly often. Besides, I was still on schedule. I stopped at a convenience store to pick up a snack. I was being a good boy, no Snickers and Cokes. I went with bottled water and a Nutri-Grain bar.

Then things really started going South, with both my schedule and my nutrition. I got a little lost on the way to Liberty. When I got there, my story angle wasn’t anywhere to be seen. After an hour of looking around, I turned back to go home, column-less. By then it was 2 p.m. and I was looking for a place to eat. I planned to eat fairly healthy again – that’s my new M.O. – so I stopped at Quizno’s. One person was working the counter and there were two or three people waiting to be served.

I was out of there.

Clearly, things weren’t going all that smoothly. My column idea was out the window, it was mid-afternoon, and I was hungry. That’s when I decided, what the heck, I was in a bad mood, so why not try the Angry Burger. So I did. Yes. Fries, too.

To make things worse, my big, bad burger wasn’t even angry. Maybe a little irritated, but that’s all.

Then I got home, tried to run down three other column ideas, but nothing panned out. People couldn’t remember things I was hoping they’d recall. People had gone home for the day. People didn’t pick up their phones.

I guess I just needed to go get a Slurpee and chill.