Boring As He Wants to Be

It comes as no real surprise to me that Selena Roberts’ unauthorized biography of Alex Rodriguez has been a sales letdown. That’s because people are numb from reading about steroids and ballplayers.

Particularly when the athlete is as boring as A-Rod.

The Associated Press reported this week that the book “A-Rod: The Many Lives of Alex Rodriguez” has generated only 16,000 sales – which is about 134,000 shy of the first printing. Eleven thousand of the books were sold the first week.

Fact is, A-Rod isn’t interesting. Sure, he’s a star player and a noted playboy, which is supposed to be an eye-catcher. But he has no personality. No flamboyance. Dennis Rodman had a curious audience when he wrote “Bad As I Wanna Be” in the 1990s.

Speaking which, didn’t Madonna have a thing for both those guys?

That should generate some sales all by itself.

The difference is, A-Rod is as dull as a glass of milk.

I’m guessing the answer to all this is for Rodriguez to dress himself in a wedding gown and dye his hair orange.

That should work.